Sunday, April 20, 2008

How I Found the Best Macaroni and Cheese Ever

I’m mad about Martha for many reasons. As a new mother, I loved the soothing sounds of her old television show, which I passively devoured from the comfort of my couch while Martha’s voice and the pan flute sedated my toddler. As a sad excuse for a cook, I love the idea that someone else will come to my kitchen to do the really hard stuff, that all I have to do is reach under the counter for the pre-prepared meal. Oh yeah, and the inspiration.

As an entrepreneur, I love the way Martha has managed to create an empire of cream puffs and stay on-brand even from behind bars. And finally, as a woman, I love Martha’s look. Who could top the always-current cashmere and pressed khakis? And that hair! I believe if Hillary Clinton had ever mastered the look of Martha’s locks, we could dispense with all the debates right now.

But you can’t be a Martha Lover without getting your hands dirty. So I’ve pored through the pages, collected the recipe cards, and even burnt my fingerprints off on hot glue. But for me, it’s mostly about the cooking. I’ve pounded cutlets and breaded fillets, ground spices and blanched asparagus. I’ve tried appetizers and soups, entrees and desserts. But nothing compares to the time I set out to make the delicious looking macaroni and cheese Martha made on the show one day back in 1999.

New to the Internet for personal use, I addressed my keyboard with what I thought was a spot-on search. I typed in Martha Stewart macaroni and cheese recipe and watched as my screen was populated with a list of choices. The first one promised exactly what I wanted. In bold, blue lettering: Martha Stewart Macaroni and Cheese Recipe. Jackpot.

Can you guess what happened when I clickety-clicked that handy little link? Was I greeted with the telltale watered down robin’s egg blue and white block lettering? Did recipes tempt me to chop, slice, and sauté? Not exactly. What I found was far more Pasta Puttanesca than Chicken Picatta. And the puttanesca was naked. Also, apparently playing Twister with an imaginary friend. She may have been braised in cooking oil. Hard to tell.

Yes, my virgin Internet cache was corrupted by some adult content hijacking of Martha’s net cred. Who would ever think a hankering for mac-and-cheese would end up in a big ole batch of porn cookies?

Eventually I recovered from the viewing misfortune and found the real recipe. And it is good. It is SOOOO good. You might even say, it’s better than sex.

1 comment:

Abbey said...

Okay, that is HILARIOUS!!!

And I have to agree that Martha makes a mean mac and cheese. I have a very similar recipe from one of her Thanksgiving issues. It is TO DIE FOR!! And every time I serve it I have my entire party asking for the recipe.

I'm actually making two batches of it tonight for a BBQ tomorrow. I'm not sure I'll be able to control myself and not take little (okay, HUGE) nibbles.